To the big city

I did it. Today I moved in to an apartment in New York City.

But lets back up a little.

I told some, didn't tell many. I'm not in Japan anymore. About a month ago, I packed up the stuff in my tiny apartment in Chiba and came back to the US for good. A number of stresses influenced the move, not least the disruption and uncertainty surrounding the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear threat. I wasn't directly affected by the disaster (though I faced tons of train cancellations), I got rattled more than usual. Messed me up. Aftershocks, not being able to get home, shoddy food supply...on my already fragile-from-school psyche, not the best. So I did something a little out of the ordinary and slightly reckless. I left.

Did I make a smart decision? Remains to be seen. Do I have a plan from here on? Not anything concrete. But does it feel right...?

I made a promise to myself before I left 6 months ago that if I couldn't find what I was looking for at the University of Tokyo, I would leave. If anything, I stuck to my word. And that counts for something. But it doesn't mean I feel good at the moment.

Which brings me back to the present: a move to NYC. Back when I got home, I found out about a room in a friend's apartment that was open. I jumped on it - living at home doesn't suit me. But there are many unanswered questions from now, like, "where will you work?" and "how long will you stay there?" and "what were you thinking?!" I don't have a good answer for any of those. But what I do know is that I am really excited...but also really scared. I don't know how I'll do, (first time living in a big city and all) and I'm terrified of failure, going broke, and ending up back at home anyway.

But I remind myself that I'm still in recovery mode, taking it slow trying to regain what optimism and confidence I had before I left for Japan 8 months ago. I don't know if this city is the right place, but its got a vibe that I need now. And the uncertainty here is a lot different than what I went through last month.

And in Starbucks, the female cafe version of "No Women, No Cry" is playing: "Ev'rything's gonna be alright...ev'rything's gonna be alright"

So much for progress

Bleh.

...is the word to describe what I've experienced so far studying at the University of Tokyo. I've been here for almost two months now, and I don't feel or see how I'm growing or going to grow from my experience here. If anything, it feels like a step backwards: I think my Japanese ability is waning, and my writing skill isn't being tested here (most times, I'm editing other group members' work!). This isn't the "challenge" I've come for.

In my last year as an English teacher, I was stoked to go into the world and make a difference, partially fueled by the poor company situation I had in Nagano. At that time, I thought studying in an English program in the best University in Asia would be a good idea. But, after seeing how things work, I'm beginning to regret the decision. And although some good days bring me back to focus towards making progress, more often than not I find myself where I am right now: trying to see how the education here will make me a better person and help me do great things.

One would think that the reputation of this school would mean the best minds, best opportunities, best vision of the future. There are some great minds, but many of them have been with the University of Tokyo for their entire professional lives, and from talking with many of them, it seems like they've lost touch with the rest of the people out there. There are some good opportunities - there was a business competition to pitch ideas for new uses of OLED lights, and the finalists would fly to Germany - but it fell through due to lack of interest.

And finally, vision of the future. One class I'm taking this semester is about sustainability and internationalization of the University of Tokyo. I was kind of surprised to find out that there are no projects out there trying to use newer technology to come up with new ideas to improve those things. They are way behind most schools in the US or Europe, who have already began/developed such programs (Cooling beams at MIT? Geothermal heat store system in ETH Zurich? Nice!). There's also no real clear-cut plan for the future.

For that class, my suggestion was to include something "Wow!" in the next plans. I had a lot of fun preparing it, because I got to look into all of the other inspiring projects going on around the world. Problem is, I then realized that I probably should have gone to one of those places.

The other assumption I had about this place was that I'd find students with the same fervor I had to change things. Sustainability, right? Changing the ways we think about everyday life, right? In the same class as I talked about above, we did interviews about backgrounds and aspirations after finishing the program. I interviewed a nice Chinese girl who's studying about making compact cities in China. When asking her about what she was planning to do after she finished, she told me she was going to get a PhD, become a professor in China. Cool. But then, asking her about why she was studying sustainability, she replied "Actually, I don't care much about sustainability...but there's a scholarship!" It turns out that's the case with several of the students here - the career is the end goal. In addition, many of them are already married or have serious significant others.

The scholarship...it really is great. Full tuition, a flight to and from Japan, and a monthly stipend for living expenses. It's one of the main reasons I came here instead of go to another country, or even the US. And while I can't keep up the lavish lifestyle of a JET teacher, I'm still doing alright for myself. Found Costco and Ikea nearby, school food is good and cheap, and taking the train around is real nice. Sadly, all these cool things have nothing to do with school. And, although it's the University of Tokyo, the campus where I am is quite far from Tokyo city center - about 30 miles. It's been more expensive and time-consuming to get to Tokyo than I would have liked. Which is really a let-down, since I could see myself being there studying until late at night and going back to class the next day, but the money just isn't there (well...there's JET money left over, but it would go quick. Not very sustainable, one could say).

I'm disappointed with the experience so far. Compile that with a tight budget, and that I've done the whole Japan thing before, it's making it quite difficult to find motivation to work hard. So then, how to make things better?...is what I'm thinking about a lot lately. I need to see progress. I run on progress. And having new, awesome experiences. I feel like I haven't moved much from where I was last year, stuck in the clutches of RCS. I want to work hard, I want to do something incredible. But is this the right way? Is there a way to that here?

I keep telling myself "Just trudge on through, you'll get somewhere. And besides, it's free!!" But the "it's free" argument is getting pretty weak. Here's to hoping this all clears up sometime soon.

India, Round

Time for a break from India, time to

India, Round 2

Well...it's been about 2.5 months. I realized about a week into the trip that it was a bad idea to not take a computer along with me...internet was scarce - expensive to use some places, non-existent in others. But now, sitting at my home in NJ with not too much on the plate, I'm already starting to reminisce. Figure I can let some of that out by finally continuing what I started, writing about some of the craziness that the world brought me over the almost-2-month stretch after I left Japan. Here goes.

TRAINS IN INDIA

Coming from Japan, I was expecting a lot in the way of transportation. Big mistake. Some of the best and worst times that I had in India were related to trains. Step into one of the big central stations in a city and you'll quickly get a look at how insane life is there. People. EVERYWHERE. And not just walking through or in a ticket queue - anything from homeless dudes and beggars hoping for your extra rupees, touts fighting over your taxi fare (with included trips to their "brother's" shop. How nice of them!), or wealthier families sitting on blankets in the middle of the floor (and very much in the way) with bags upon bags of luggage. It is a madhouse. Now add the regular people flow of about Shinjuku station in Tokyo during the evening rush, and a maze platforms, and you have yourself a perfect nightmare. Awesome.
Here's me, a clueless foreigner aiming for the 6:00 a.m. from New Delhi to Agra. Arrive at the station about 5:57, no idea where I was. I rush into the station, bags in hand and on back, ignoring all the weird looks. I see platform 16. Crap. I'm on the wrong side of the station - my train is on track 1. I hear the old windows 3.x "Ta-daaa!" sound and an announcement that my train is leaving shortly. Pushing my way through the masses on the walk above the platforms - 10...9...8... Making progress, thread a couple more needles in the crowd, 5...4...3... crap! I hear my train starting to leave. It takes one last burst of adrenaline to make it to the platform, where I see the super-express rolling of the station. Uh oh.
Now.
If this were Japan, or most places in Europe, I'd be screwed. Doors shut and locked for departure.
But wait!
I'm in India! The doors are wide open and I see people hanging out the door saying goodbyes and whatnot. One IndyJones-style leap with my luggage, and I'm aboard the moving train. Not the most relaxing way to start, but at least I learned that I'd do well if cast in a western. Yippey-eye-oh-kai-eight o' clock arrival in Agra, after a nice breakfast on-board. Nice!

There are more crazy train stories from India in store, - highlights include creepy train stations and an 18-hour long-haul. To be continued tomorrow. Stay tuned!

India, Round 1

Mentally. Exhausted.
So far India and I have gotten along alright (so far) on a love/hate basis. There is so much going on in this place that there's no way I'll begin to understand by the end on my short 8 days here. But, its been a crazy learning experience so far.
India has a huge learning curve for foreigners coming with little or no knowledge about the way things work, like I was when I stepped off the plane. This became real apparent when I booked train tickets from the airport kiosk. It took an inordinate amount of time to do so...first off, the kiosk dude wasn't there and took 30 minutes to return. Second was the ridiculousness I had to go through to just get change for big bills (India pet peeve #1 - it seems like when you need small change for something, noone has it, or won't give it up). The whole ordeal took about 2 hours to do, just at the limit of the time that the driver for my hostel was there for. Luckily, due to traffic, I was able to call the hostel and get a ride relatively easily, which was lucky because the place was in the middle of nowhere, crazytown, south delhi. But that first ride... seeing continous rows of tiny shop after tiny shop (behind piles of garbage and dirt on the sidewalks) was a good look into what to expect while travelling this place.
The hostel was awesome, had a charismatic owner that spoke almost flawless English - too bad the same couldn't be said about the some of the other staff... (India pet peeve #2 - people that can speak a little English have a really difficult time communicating because of poor pronuncitaion - I can't tell if their speaking English or Hindi). Still, there was unlimited purified water (allbeit 35 C water), and the place was pretty clean, which was a relief after going through the surrounding area. Met lots of cool people, hung out at some interesting places, and got tout-ed pretty hard one of the days (subject for another time). Also learned about bargaining for transportation, the ridiculous distances between places in India, and how to stay calm on roads without rules when riding in a golf cart's younger brother.
More posts later, gotta go buy another liter of water for the 45 C heat.

Tales of Interest! (or 色々)

I spent yesterday flinging myself into an airbag. It was great.

I finally broke the news about grad school at U Tokyo to some teachers at the school. One of them is a first grade teacher who deals with the problem students most of the time. About an hour after I told her, she came into the teacher's room in tears.
- "What's wrong?"
- "All the teachers that I like are leaving!"
D'oh.

In Hiranai in Aomori Prefecture (the place I was last year), there is a religious community that worships a god in one of the mountains. I visited every once in a while to judge an English speech contest at their high school. I'm still in touch with the teachers there, and last week, they sent me an overview of their religion and charity work, in English, that they were going to use at an overseas conference. I proofread the thing, which didn't take that long because the English teacher that wrote it is quite capable. Still, because they're ridiculously nice, they're sending me a 3000yen (~$30) bookstore voucher. Score!

Went to school on a Wednesday a few weeks ago, and found out I had a fever of 39 C (~102 F). Of course the head teacher sent me home and told me to see a doctor. I drove about 10 minutes to the big hospital in the area, as the local clinic was closed on Wednesdays. It was pretty crowded, but I got in to see someone within about an hour. First thing I got was the notorious swine flu test (I swear they swab the brain with that thing). It came back negative, but the doctor still diagnosed me with flu. To make a long (and not fun) story short, I wasn't better and hadn't eaten anything significant by Sunday, so I went back to the hospital. They set me up with some tests and an IV for food. I got the results back on the next Wednesday - it was a bacteria that caused gastroenteritis (stomach "flu"). Could've been solved with antibiotics back when it started. Great! I already felt better, so I didn't go back for more meds. But I was left with some fun parting gifts, including 6 kg (~12 lb) of dropped weight, low blood pressure, and plenty of extra pills and capsules. Anyone want some Tamiflu?

Grad school stuff is almost over. Everything looks okay for the scholarship, now I just need to change my visa, take care of storing my stuff (and ship some stuff to the US), decide what to do this summer, sell the car, tell the company I'm leaving, and try to prepare my successor for this school. Oh yeah, and work, I suppose.

Good times, good times.

The next step...

It was early December. The school in which I work was crazy. Students were off the wall and teachers weren't doing anything about it. I was thinking of ways to escape the fate of being here another year, so I shot an e-mail to the University of Tokyo's International Office. There was a program in Sustainability Science that I had a slight interest in, because it was taught in English and the topic of study is pretty open-ended. Originally on the program's website, it was written that I could not apply as an international student because I was living in Japan. So I gave them a conundrum.

"Well, I'm going to leave Japan in March, so I won't be here for the other test in August... what should I do?"

It came back that I could apply as a foreigner as long as I returned to the US. So I ran with it.

I wrote the four essays they required. I wrote a research plan. Then I wrote another one. Then I visited them three days before the December 31st deadline, threw the previous two plans and wrote a third. がんばった。

But one of the letters of recommendations I requested from a professor back at he beginning of December didn't come on time. I was told by e-mail that I wasn't eligible.

A few days after the deadline past, I got another e-mail, saying that I could be eligible if the letter arrived by the 15th. It didn't. And again I was told by e-mail that I wasn't eligible.

On the 22nd, I got yet another e-mail that informed me that they received the letter, and that I was put back on the list of eligible applicants.

Last Friday, February 5th, I got the acceptance e-mail for the program. Along with it is another set of applications for the scholarship that accompanies acceptance. One of the requirements? A letter from the Dean of my college, due on February 24th.

I feel like I should be more excited about getting in, but I've had no time to yet, and the scholarship isn't guaranteed, so there's still the outside chance I won't go. I feel blank. Burned out. Being tangled in red tape hasn't been a fun experience.

Besides red tape, I'm still tangled with the idea of staying in Japan rather than going somewhere else for school. Japan is a great place to live. But there are plenty of places out there that I haven't been to yet.

February 24th will be an important day. I'll know if I'm committed to Japan for two more years, or if I'll be around for one more while I apply elsewhere.

I have learned a couple things, though:
- upper echelon schools are reachable for grad school, even if you've been out of school for a while
- waiting for things outside my control to happen sucks. A lot.

In any case, I'm ready for the result. Time for a break from limbo. Let's deciding!