So much for progress

Bleh.

...is the word to describe what I've experienced so far studying at the University of Tokyo. I've been here for almost two months now, and I don't feel or see how I'm growing or going to grow from my experience here. If anything, it feels like a step backwards: I think my Japanese ability is waning, and my writing skill isn't being tested here (most times, I'm editing other group members' work!). This isn't the "challenge" I've come for.

In my last year as an English teacher, I was stoked to go into the world and make a difference, partially fueled by the poor company situation I had in Nagano. At that time, I thought studying in an English program in the best University in Asia would be a good idea. But, after seeing how things work, I'm beginning to regret the decision. And although some good days bring me back to focus towards making progress, more often than not I find myself where I am right now: trying to see how the education here will make me a better person and help me do great things.

One would think that the reputation of this school would mean the best minds, best opportunities, best vision of the future. There are some great minds, but many of them have been with the University of Tokyo for their entire professional lives, and from talking with many of them, it seems like they've lost touch with the rest of the people out there. There are some good opportunities - there was a business competition to pitch ideas for new uses of OLED lights, and the finalists would fly to Germany - but it fell through due to lack of interest.

And finally, vision of the future. One class I'm taking this semester is about sustainability and internationalization of the University of Tokyo. I was kind of surprised to find out that there are no projects out there trying to use newer technology to come up with new ideas to improve those things. They are way behind most schools in the US or Europe, who have already began/developed such programs (Cooling beams at MIT? Geothermal heat store system in ETH Zurich? Nice!). There's also no real clear-cut plan for the future.

For that class, my suggestion was to include something "Wow!" in the next plans. I had a lot of fun preparing it, because I got to look into all of the other inspiring projects going on around the world. Problem is, I then realized that I probably should have gone to one of those places.

The other assumption I had about this place was that I'd find students with the same fervor I had to change things. Sustainability, right? Changing the ways we think about everyday life, right? In the same class as I talked about above, we did interviews about backgrounds and aspirations after finishing the program. I interviewed a nice Chinese girl who's studying about making compact cities in China. When asking her about what she was planning to do after she finished, she told me she was going to get a PhD, become a professor in China. Cool. But then, asking her about why she was studying sustainability, she replied "Actually, I don't care much about sustainability...but there's a scholarship!" It turns out that's the case with several of the students here - the career is the end goal. In addition, many of them are already married or have serious significant others.

The scholarship...it really is great. Full tuition, a flight to and from Japan, and a monthly stipend for living expenses. It's one of the main reasons I came here instead of go to another country, or even the US. And while I can't keep up the lavish lifestyle of a JET teacher, I'm still doing alright for myself. Found Costco and Ikea nearby, school food is good and cheap, and taking the train around is real nice. Sadly, all these cool things have nothing to do with school. And, although it's the University of Tokyo, the campus where I am is quite far from Tokyo city center - about 30 miles. It's been more expensive and time-consuming to get to Tokyo than I would have liked. Which is really a let-down, since I could see myself being there studying until late at night and going back to class the next day, but the money just isn't there (well...there's JET money left over, but it would go quick. Not very sustainable, one could say).

I'm disappointed with the experience so far. Compile that with a tight budget, and that I've done the whole Japan thing before, it's making it quite difficult to find motivation to work hard. So then, how to make things better?...is what I'm thinking about a lot lately. I need to see progress. I run on progress. And having new, awesome experiences. I feel like I haven't moved much from where I was last year, stuck in the clutches of RCS. I want to work hard, I want to do something incredible. But is this the right way? Is there a way to that here?

I keep telling myself "Just trudge on through, you'll get somewhere. And besides, it's free!!" But the "it's free" argument is getting pretty weak. Here's to hoping this all clears up sometime soon.